How to keep tights alive

November 8, 2011 at 19:30 (Humour) (, , , , )

You know those tights made of nylon? Men will scratch their heads now, but women will say “Oh, yes, those things that are even more fragile than a painting of the 17th century”, or something like that. But here’s your guide to keep them alive and kicking:

1. Don’t have nails. Check your fingers and toes for these things. Tear them out when present.
2. Don’t move while wearing them. Try to reduce breathing as much as possible. Never close your eyes when they were opened when putting on the tights. Be a statue.
3. Have a house made of terry (fabric).
4. Remove any sharp object before putting the tights on. Only round, fluffy things can stay. Don’t touch them though. If you move, your warranty is no longer.
5. Don’t wear them. Put them under a glass bell that you keep in a dark room (vacuum when possible). Never let anyone enter that room.

If anything goes wrong, even when having obeyed these rules, then contact us.



  1. Michael Cargill said,

    I never have this problem with football socks. Would you like to borrow mine?

    • Random Female Blog said,

      Actually I don’t have so many troubles with tights. I see other people struggling with them, and I thought they could use some helpful, professional help.

  2. Becoming Bitter said,

    If I say I don’t wear tights and never wore them… will I be shunned from the female community?

    • Random Female Blog said,

      No, because you’re doing it right! (If you keep’em in a glass bell at least…)

      • Becoming Bitter said,

        Why couldn’t I have you as a friend in person? Maybe it’s karma. Am I doomed to meet people I hate?

      • Random Female Blog said,

        Maybe there are just way more people to hate… But at least we can be friends on the internet. Karma fails *evil grin*.

  3. Glamorholic said,

    Haha…funny :))) Those are good advices.

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